my testimony part 4

 At age 8 my parents got saved and began attending a  pentecostal church. I accepted Christ then and began learning the Bible. I was one of the "good kids." Church became my entire social life.      

School for me was hell. I was bullied by two girls from third grade through fifth. They ostracized me and outright persecuted me. No kid would be my friend for fear of them, and it made me think everyone was against me. 

When I complained to the school,

to their credit, they tried to help but they only made things worse. During a forced interaction, one of the girls told me “they can make us play together but they can’t make me like you.” 

I developed what the world calls an “inferiority complex” because of this along with social anxiety. Jesus has since delivered me from both but they plagued my childhood, along with perfectionism and the false bravado and cockiness that comes from feeling like something horrible is wrong with you. This I believe contributed greatly to me getting involved in mysticism later in life. If there’s a hole in your heart, Satan will do his best to fill it with whatever bait he thinks you’ll fall for. For those with issues like mine, and with a prophetic bent, mysticism fit the bill perfectly. 

Church was my respite from school. It was the one place I could be myself, the one place where I had friends. I knew everyone there and they knew me. My family was there nearly every day of the week in one capacity or another. My parents were very busy with their “ministries”. I helped and joined in and took on some of my own. 

I also found solace in nature and in books. As a kid you’d always find me either down by the creek fishing with a bucket, or curled up in my room with a book. Again both of these propensities helped push me towards mysticism later. Neither one in itself is bad, mind you. but looking for answers in books written by men (many pretending to be christian) isn’t the Answer. Neither is worshipping nature, which I was taught to do by two of my favorite book series - supposedly Christian books - the Chronicles of Narnia and Anne of Green Gables. Here are a couple of links to some other blogs with people who have had similar experiences with these authors and who point out the very ungodly beliefs, actions and writings of the authors:

Anne of Green Gables:

https://herhighcalling.com/anne-of-green-gables-harmless-fables/

CS Lewis/Chronicles of Narnia

https://yuriystasyuk.com/cs-lewis-the-most-beloved-heretic/. (note: I don’t agree with this authors conclusions, but he does a great job of quoting Lewis and thereby showing that he was a total and complete  heretic who didn’t believe in the substitutionary atonement, the Bible, hell, literal creation and more) 

I was influenced by a lot of books as a kid. Parents, check what your kids are reading! Much of it is not so innocent and can affect your kids for years to come. Even “classics”. 

this i believe was why the Lord steered me away from the Classical Conversations homeschool curriculum. 

At age 12, my great grandmother who had been living with us died. my parents decided to sell the house and get a fresh start, but i was an overly emotional child snd I was devastated. 

it didn’t help that the move came in november so i had to switch schools, and the culture at the new school was completely different from my old school. my clothes were wrong, my hair was wrong, being smart snd answering questions was wrong. I already had social amxiety from school, Junior high made it so much worse. 

Once I moved  junior high schools, I began leading a double life; one way in church, another in school. I did this in order to fit in, and to ease the persecution some. I didn’t understand it at the time. I only understand in retrospect. 

This is so easy to have happen if a child isn’t adequately prepared. My parents were relatively new Christians. They didn’t know how to prepare me. Sending a young girl with Christian ideals but no real knowledge of the Bible was akin to throwing me to the lions. 

And I was devoured alive.