my testimony part 6

 

After I broke up with my first boyfriend, and took some time to be alone, my boyfriends’ best friend started hanging around me. We had been a trio at times, all hanging out together, and this other young man (young man B) pretended to be holy and very spiritual. 

I bought into it, probably from being on the rebound, and I began having feelings for him rather quickly. Too quickly. I was still very immature and I bought into Hollywood’s fairytales about love. 

Young man B, let’s call him Bill, had gotten me a job at the same place he worked when I was 18, at a place that I was working with helping disabled people. I enjoyed it very much. This job helped me to put myself through college. 

A note about college. 

I went to community college because I didn’t know what to major in, but wound up settling on art with thanks to my Dad who insisted. I still think that it’s funny. As I always have done and always will do, I went against the steam and the stereotype and I was the one who didn’t want to major in art because i thought I couldn’t make a decent living at it, and my dad insisted I needed to do it because I was talented and I loved it. funny huh? 

Another reason I didn’t want to major in art was because I wanted so desperately to be like all of my Christian friends, going away to Bible college. Including “Bill” and my own sister and brother. 

I agonized over it in prayer 

But I didn’t get The Call. 

I knew it was wrong to go without the specific call from God. I wouldn’t dare go without it. So even though I desperately wanted it, I didn’t go. 

 I’m very glad now that I didn’t go, as I have since discovered a major problem in American Christianity is shepherds who didn’t wait for the call from God and instead called themselves. 

I now understand that many people don’t understand about this and go to Bible college without a call from God, without waiting for His refining and His timing.  I believe that’s a big reason Christianity in America is such a mess today. People who were never called by God who were taught by men are in the pulpits teaching others the same doctrines of men they were taught by men who were also taught by men, instead of being taught by God. 

The call to ministry takes a lot of waiting on God. Anyone reading this who may have called themselves, I pray you repent before God and ask Him what to do next. You can’t call yourself into ministry. You can’t let another man tell you you’re called either. That’s the flesh and it is actually working against God, not for Him. 

This is true of all of the five offices including prophet, apostle, evangelist, preacher or teacher. 

It is God who calls these people after much waiting and, often, misery, as He refines you and takes away the dross. 

If you call yourself it’s like the man who sits at the head of the table in a Jesus’ parable. The master of the table may come tell you - go take a lower place. He who exalts himself will be humbled but he who humbled himself will be exalted. 

Please. If you’re tempted to call yourself…. don’t do it. Don’t make yourself into a hireling. 

Back to my story. I was infatuated with this young man at the time and I truly believed  he was the only one for me. He had mentored me for a long time in the youth group. I waited for two years for him to finally make a move. 

I remember at one point he took me to a “deliverance minister” who let this young man sit there as I answered question after very personal question. He did unearth a lot. I remember he asked me at the end why I hadn’t told him I had masonry in my background when he asked me and I told him honestly that at the time I didn’t remember. 

He also unearthed that i had voodoo in my background on my mother’s side, who was a cajun. and I also told him the truth that sometimes I would try to read the bible snd it would look like it was completely blank. This deliverance minister explained that masons pray to satan over their offspring, especially the firstborn, which I am, for things like that to happen. The minister prayed over me. I had already repented after breaking up with boyfriend A… 

but I still had this jezebel spirit and a spirit of lust and goodness knows what else attached to me. 

If that deliverance minister told me what to do to get rid of them, I don’t remember. Maybe he did. Maybe he wasn’t prepared to do it with boyfriend b in the room. but what I needed to do was to repent of all sexual sin including masturbation and get rid of everything attached to it, and I still hadn’t done that. 

I wound up losing my job that I loved because of these spirits that were still attached to me.  I don’t really want to get into it as it’s highly personal but it was due to those two spirits that were still attached to me. 

I do remember the deliverance minister warning me that masonry had a huge hold on my family and that it WANTED me. but at the time I didn’t understand. 

I did try to do some reading on it but this was before the internet so my research was limited to what little I could find and afford to buy at the christian bookstore. and as i know now, a LOT of material at the christian bookstores SHOULD NOT BE THERE.  If you have questions about a particular book or other media please feel free to drop me a line. 

Which brings me to the fact that “Bill” started getting into the word of faith heresy and was teaching it to me right along with him. It was in the Christian bookstores. It was a popular née teaching in pentecostal circles. the only problem is, it was witchcraft and idolatry. 

I remember him teaching me that Jesus descended into hell, and that we need to watch our profession of faith, and not say anything negative. he spoke about word of faith not as though faith pleased and moved the heart of Gid, but like it was a magical incantation that would get the wielder whatever he or she wanted. and in that respect, it’s witchcraft. 

The deeper you get into it the more horrifying things you’ll find. The clincher is they all teach that we are little gods. If you don’t believe me look it up for yourself. here’s a link. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aJBOpXWHRhU

I have always believed in healing - still do, I’ve seen a couple of healings myself.  My sister was healed of warts completely when she was a kid, I was healed of tennis elbow when I was about 16, and a friend of mine was healed from the effects of a stroke just a year or two ago. 

BUT that doesn’t mean everyone who doesn’t get a healing doesn’t have faith. AND you can’t “buy” healings by “planting seeds” of sending money to preachers who rob God and widows and use the money on themselves! 

I should have seen through him but I didn’t. I had a hard lesson to learn. This was a different kind of wolf, one I had never dealt with before…. one in sheep’s clothing. 

I was also getting into “christian” psychology, and at least what I was getting into which was all about temperaments directly led me into astrology and tarot later down the line. I have since learned that psychology has its roots in the occult (jung) and secular humanism (freud) and that Christians should stay far away from “traditional” psychology (bad) and psychiatry 

(worse). 

So at this point I was in art school and I thought I was in love with “Bill” for about two years of what I thought was unrequited love. I have since learned that isn’t love. It’s limeremce, it’s obsession, it’s immaturity, it’s idolatry and it’s even satanic since it isn’t of God… but it isn’t love. But of course I didn’t know that. 

When “Bill” finally kissed me one night I was overjoyed! I had one month of being his girlfriend. I thought this was who I was destined to marry. But God knew he was a wolf. 

God also knew what I wanted in a man. I had made a list. I wanted someone who loved God. Who was kind and patient. Who would love me. Who would love to travel, and love music. Eventually God gave me that person. But many many years later. 

But in the meantime, “Bill” broke up with me after only a month, saying that I wasn’t spiritual enough for him.

 This was devastating to me - and spiritually damaging. He evidently spread it around the youth group too, I found out later, that I was “spiritually immature.” ironic huh? 

From this experience when I was in my early twenties, I can now spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing a hundred miles away. It honestly astonishes me when other people can’t. 

Do you want to know how to spot a wolf ? They look a lot like the Pharisees. Good looking on the outside, but nothing but death on the inside. Jesus rebuked them in Matthew 23. also there’s a scathing rebuke of wolves in sheep’s clothing in Ezekiel 34. 

The MAIN thing about the wolves is, they EAT THE SHEEP. 

Whether it’s to get money from them, or the praise of men, or to get a vote, or to have a good “easy” job (it is easy if you don’t really care about the sheep), or if it’s even more mercenary and it’s to get sex, the theme remains the same: they are feeding off the sheep. Jesus said by their fruits you’ll know them in matthew 7. 

Want to know a wolf when he’s staring you in the face? Pray for discernment and look to the fruit. The end result of the “ministry” or life. Is it life or death? and by the way correct correction  results in life, not death…. but it isn’t liked and is often rejected by those who desperately need it. Conversely, a wolf will tell you exactly what you want to hear, all the whole leading you on a smoothie, easy path to death. 

That’s how you know them. And if you’re worried about the prohibition for judging people, go read Matthew 7. in it Jesus says not to judge…. and a few verses later says you’ll know people by their fruit. clearly these don’t mean the same thing. If you have learned your lesson in a given area then you will see clearly to help others remove the sin in their lives that they can’t see. 

“Bill” was a wolf. As soon as I stopped idolizing him, and started making any demands on him at all, he stopped getting fed by me, and dropped me like a hot coal. 

I was devastated.